The Lover Who Won’t Stop Chasing

You turn your back, you walk away, You say “not today, not this way,” But I can hear your footsteps in the distance, Relentless, tireless, pursuing still.

I build my walls, I dig my moats, I sharpen my words, I perfect my defense, I tell myself “I’m safe, I’m strong, I don’t need a God who wants too much.”

I choose my lovers, I chase my desires, I worship at altars that promise satisfaction without fire, I offer my heart to gods who never loved me, I trade away everything for cheap imitation of light.

But your love—how do I explain it? It makes no sense to my calculated mind. You don’t offer power, don’t promise pleasure, You don’t threaten with fire or demand performance. You just… keep showing up. You keep calling my name in the silence. You keep standing outside every door I slam.

You sent prophets to warn me, “Come back,” You sent armies when I wouldn’t listen. You let me live in the mess I made, Every consequence, every broken shard, And still—still—you offered me a way home.

You didn’t wait until I was worthy. You didn’t make me clean up first. You didn’t demand I prove my love, You just paid the highest price, And sent your Son to seek me in the dark.

Your Son—He could have condemned me. He could have exposed every filthy secret. He could have demanded I grovel for mercy, Instead, He ate with sinners in my home. He washed their feet while cursing mine. He stood by while I denied Him.

I ran from Him for thousands of years, And He ran after me for thousands more. I fought against Your Spirit with every breath, And Your Spirit fought for me with every step.

This love that scares me—this unearned pursuit— It’s not what I asked for, it’s not what I thought I wanted, I wanted to be my own god, to build my own kingdom, You offered me partnership in Yours instead.

But my kingdom is ash, my throne is dust, And Your kingdom still has room for rebels like me.

I keep fighting this love—I don’t know why. Maybe because I’ve never known love that doesn’t leave when things get hard. Maybe because I can’t trust what I can’t buy, Or what I can’t deserve, or what I can’t earn.

But Your love—this reckless, foolish, beautiful love— It’s the only thing I can’t escape, the only door that won’t close.

You loved me first, before I learned to hate, Before I learned to build walls and hide, Before I knew I needed to be rescued at all— And somehow, You loved me.

You’re still loving me, even as I write these words, As if mocking me for trying to explain what can’t be explained, As if saying “You’re trying so hard to understand, Just let yourself be loved.”

And that’s the terrifying thing: If I just let myself be loved, If I stopped fighting and started trusting, I would finally see—this love was never my enemy.

“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty Savior who will rejoice over you.” — Zephaniah 3:17